I bet you are reading this and wondering why in the world I am calling Christmas a struggle. I don't hate Christmas, I actually love it. This time of year is just different for me, because a piece of me is missing. My older brother was what made Christmas the way it was 8 and a half years ago. He was the one who would run and jump on my bed to wake me up at 6am, and then my brothers, and my parents. His loud feet ran around upstairs waiting for my parents to let us come down stairs and then when we got the '"ok" he would run as fast as he could down the stairs just about running into the wall. Why am I telling you this? Well, less than 6 months after Christmas in 2008, he went home to be with Jesus. The next year was dark and nearly unbearable. There were no loud footsteps, no yelling, no springing out of bed. It was just sadness and depression and pain- lots and lots of pain. This week has been one of the most emotionally and physically draining weeks of my life and while I was dealing with multiple trials at one time I was reminded of something very important. I am not the only one going through this. This year I've met so many people who have lost family members and they have all told me Christmas is not as fun anymore. Do not get me wrong, Christmas is still great and the reason we get to celebrate Christmas is indescribable, but it is still hard to be joyful when a big part of what I always knew Christmas to be, is gone. While it is hard, this past week I've gotten time to reflect on why it is still the best holiday.
1. Jesus was BORN!! What better reason to celebrate than the birth of our savior! One of the happiest memories was going to Christmas Eve service as church with my family.
2. I still have a family to celebrate with. Even though part of my family is missing, I still get to spend Christmas with my mom, dad, little brother, and extended family. For that I am forever grateful.
3. I am not alone. So many people every year have to spend Christmas without a loved one and I am not alone in my pain.
I also have realized that I am lucky enough to have memories of Christmas day that will last for a lifetime. I got to spend 10 Christmas' with my brother and for that I am forever thankful. He also gets to spend Christmas with Jesus himself and for that I am forever jealous. Can you imagine how wonderful it must be to celebrate Jesus' birthday with Jesus himself?! Pain is so temporary and the joy of life and Jesus will surround me for the rest of time, so why waste it by allowing that pain in me to surround me every year on Christmas? I've decided that I am determined to make this Christmas the best one yet and instead of walking around with my head down, I am going to celebrate the Christmas' I got to spend with my brother and try to bring joy to the people around me. I hope no one is reading this and thinking I'm horrible for not enjoying Christmas like everyone else, but when you lose someone who loved Christmas like my brother, a piece of you is missing everyday and especially on December 25th.
-Hollie
