There has been something on my mind since school started back up. Something that really can get people up in arms when talked about, but I feel like as a Christian whom later profession is to lead the youth through teaching, I feel like it should be talked about. I am currently taking a class called "Critical Issues in Education." I believe it is an important class to take for the teaching profession, but I have struggled sitting in that class listening to my professor go on and on about all the issues in the realm of education, when he leaves out what the one main issue is.
First let me start off by saying the transition between a private and public school institution is highly different. I went from a school whom was routed in their faith to a school that doubts almost any religion and the second it is brought up in class it is shut down almost instantly. Here lies the issue. The separation of church and state is an issue, but the real problem is the complete separation of God and kids in the school.
I'm going to be honest, there is just not enough Jesus in our schools. What breaks my heart is we have kids going into these schools feeling alone, or being bullied, and no one does anything about it. In reality, the only thing that can be done to fix it is to bring the Lord back to these student's hearts. To show love, grace, and mercy just as he did for us. We don't have to bring religious classes to do that. We just have to be love in the schools. We have to bring joy into the schools again.
Another issue with bringing this to the schools is students are so afraid to proclaim their faith. Why though? The fear of rejection? Invite someone to church, remind them they are important, smile at the them. In my class we talk so much about the issues in education. They say it's money, it's bullying, it's disengagement, it's hate. You know what can solve all of these? Love. The problem with the schools isn't any of these, but the lack of trust, faith, and love in these schools. I saw it myself, because I went to and still am in a public school institution. We need to stop forcing God out of schools, and instead put love back in them. I said it once, but I will say it again...INVITE YOUR FRIENDS TO CHURCH!! Stop being so afraid to step outside of your comfort zone (which is what we are called to do) and start walking and stepping out in your faith to follow the great commission. 1 Timothy 4:12 says, "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." He says in this verse the YOUTH, not adults, not elders, but YOUTH. I believe that the schools are the root problem of lack of faith, school is the problem with lack of trust, and hope, and joy, and love, and hurt, and depression. We need more Jesus and less hate. We need more Jesus and less worry. We need more Jesus and less bullying. We need to root our trust in the things above and not in money, or fear of disengagement.
Something I know I will never learn in my education class is the good parts of the education system. God gave us this system to give us a chance to learn more about the word, but also to be a vessel in our schools. There are plenty of issues in education, but the worst one is the fact Jesus is barely evident in any school in America. Adults often look down on millennials and generation Z, but as a youth leader I believe that this is the generation that breaks the chain and barriers that were set up to watch these generations fail. This is the generation of change and of love. They are so underestimated in our schools, but in reality they are the people that will step out in their faith and be unashamed to teach the word of the Lord. I find myself praying for students on my drive to school every morning. Every Wednesday when I am in youth and I see a disengaged student finally become engaged I feel like someone set a fire in them and God ignited it. I'm convinced that this is the generation to set a fire, this is the generation of change and this generation is going to start something different and real for students that don't know our God. This is a powerful generation and a generation that will fix the broken school.
"He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God." Psalms 78:5-8.
Thursday, September 27, 2018
Monday, August 13, 2018
A Change In Seasons
As I've sat here in bed getting over what has been a really bad case of walking pneumonia, the flu & and ear infection, I have reflected greatly on this past year. I turn twenty in less than two weeks and I feel like this year has been such a big year of change. At the beginning of the year I came home from a school that I was sure I would spend all four years at, just to finish the semester online. I will admit I struggled heavily at the beginning of that second semester of sophomore year. I was depressed and living in a very negative state of mind. I felt alone, ashamed and broken and I was not very happy with the way I was living. With all that being said, I decided moving home and finishing the semester online was my best option.
Coming home was different, because I was used to living with 3 girls in a two bedroom apartment and I came home to living with my parents and my little brother. I was not sure how being home would differ from being at school, but much to my surprise I kind of liked it a little more. I grew up very close to my family and being away from them was always very difficult for me. Sure, it came with a few more ground rules, but it was better living situation for me.
Another thing I learned was that it was okay not to know what you want to do. Yes you heard that right! I am a history education major & a junior in college and I had no idea what I wanted to do. I knew I called to ministry and I know that is part of where I will be, but where I will be in ministry is what I was confused about. After an abundance of prayer, I felt led to teach in inner-city schools and work at an inner city church. As terrified as I am about this call upon my life, I know God has his hands over this call and my future and he is going to do great works within me and through me.
Lastly, I am rather terrified, because I start at a new school a week from today. I am not gonna lie, it has been super challenging for me to see all my friends moving back to school and having the time of their lives away from home. However, I know I am doing what God has placed upon my life & what he has called me to do. I am scared about entering a new campus and starting a new life in a new place, but I am so incredibly excited about what is to come for me!
I think I have mentioned it before, but this year God placed the word "change" on my heart, and boy was I in for it when I asked him what he meant. I have grown in more ways than one, I have allowed him to shape and grow my faith, he has taken me on exciting adventures and truly allowed me to blossom wherever he plants me. I am so incredibly blessed to see myself grow, mature, and move the way I have in just eight short months. He has challenged me to reach new heights and taught me what it really means to embody him and radiate Christ wherever I go. So in this season of change, I am incredibly grateful. Grateful for twenty amazing years.
“Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them” (1 Corinthians 7:17).
Coming home was different, because I was used to living with 3 girls in a two bedroom apartment and I came home to living with my parents and my little brother. I was not sure how being home would differ from being at school, but much to my surprise I kind of liked it a little more. I grew up very close to my family and being away from them was always very difficult for me. Sure, it came with a few more ground rules, but it was better living situation for me.
Another thing I learned was that it was okay not to know what you want to do. Yes you heard that right! I am a history education major & a junior in college and I had no idea what I wanted to do. I knew I called to ministry and I know that is part of where I will be, but where I will be in ministry is what I was confused about. After an abundance of prayer, I felt led to teach in inner-city schools and work at an inner city church. As terrified as I am about this call upon my life, I know God has his hands over this call and my future and he is going to do great works within me and through me.
Lastly, I am rather terrified, because I start at a new school a week from today. I am not gonna lie, it has been super challenging for me to see all my friends moving back to school and having the time of their lives away from home. However, I know I am doing what God has placed upon my life & what he has called me to do. I am scared about entering a new campus and starting a new life in a new place, but I am so incredibly excited about what is to come for me!
I think I have mentioned it before, but this year God placed the word "change" on my heart, and boy was I in for it when I asked him what he meant. I have grown in more ways than one, I have allowed him to shape and grow my faith, he has taken me on exciting adventures and truly allowed me to blossom wherever he plants me. I am so incredibly blessed to see myself grow, mature, and move the way I have in just eight short months. He has challenged me to reach new heights and taught me what it really means to embody him and radiate Christ wherever I go. So in this season of change, I am incredibly grateful. Grateful for twenty amazing years.
“Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them” (1 Corinthians 7:17).
Monday, July 2, 2018
Find your calling
You guys, I have had something on my heart all day and I could not wait to be done with the day and be able to share it. As I have shared before, I got my call to ministry my senior year of high school. I was in a dark place at the time. A toxic relationship, isolated far from friends and family, and most of all I was isolated far from my relationship with The Lord. The second I got that call on my life, I took it and ran. I went to a Christian university for all of 3 semesters until I decided to come home. The choice to come home was never an easy one, but it is definitely what God wanted for me. When I came home I was in the middle of some pretty bad spiritual warfare, but not once did I ever feel like I could not talk to God. Many of our conversations were about peace in my life and for some reason I felt like I had been searching for something in my relationship with him that I could not find.
I felt this way for quite some time. I continued with youth ministry at my church and I continued praying and pursing God with all my heart, but it was not until this past week that I found what I had been yearning for.
I need reaffirmation on my call that God placed on my heart about three years ago. This was my second youth camp as a leader and the whole week I was pressing in as far as my heart allowed, but it was not until the last night that I truly felt The Lord speak to me. The last night every year is usually spent praying for the kids who feel called to ministry. We prayed, and that night as I prayed over several students and anointed them with oil, I really felt God saying, "this is why I called you to do what you do and I am about to show you as well." I had NO idea what he meant by that, but I stood back and watched as so many students from our youth group walked up to that alter to publicly declare they have been called to ministry. One of them was my fifteen year old brother. In that moment I have NEVER felt so close to God and I have NEVER felt his presence as much as I did then. It reminded me that he called me to do what I do, because he wants to use me as a vessel. A vessel to these kids who do not have them at home, school, or any other place. However, when I saw my brother go up there, it reminded me of something else, it reminded me that I am not only leading students at church, but at home as well. If I was not leading by example at home, it could have affected my brother in so many ways. I AM doing my job and I AM doing what God called upon my life.
So, I think what I am trying to say is to find your calling and pursue it with all of your heart. Pursue not only your calling, but pursue Our Savior with every last breath you have in you. Isaiah 62:5 says, "As a young man marries a young woman, so will your builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you." So, BE THE BRIDE! Be someone God looks at and says, "wow they are doing works to enhance the Kingdom." He wants us to build up his kingdom and to do that, he puts in place a call for each and every one of us and we are supposed to go out and fulfill that. My call is to ministry. Someone else may be called to be a politician, doctor, or lawyer. God wants us to do all of those things with love and grace.
I promise you that my call does not represent my past, because it is messy. God tells us to stop looking back! Philippians 3:13 says, "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead." Stop being so concerned with what you've done and start being concerned with what you're going to do. Truthfully, it did take me a while to accept what I have done and move past my mistakes and failures. However, when I do, it reminds me of what Jesus did for us. He KNEW we would sin and fall short, but he still gave his life for us. We are undeserving, we did NOT earn it, but Jesus still loves us anyways. So stop laying around and being afraid of what He has instore for you, get up and start moving toward your calling, embody Him, be grace, be mercy, and be love, because it is what He did for us.
I felt this way for quite some time. I continued with youth ministry at my church and I continued praying and pursing God with all my heart, but it was not until this past week that I found what I had been yearning for.
I need reaffirmation on my call that God placed on my heart about three years ago. This was my second youth camp as a leader and the whole week I was pressing in as far as my heart allowed, but it was not until the last night that I truly felt The Lord speak to me. The last night every year is usually spent praying for the kids who feel called to ministry. We prayed, and that night as I prayed over several students and anointed them with oil, I really felt God saying, "this is why I called you to do what you do and I am about to show you as well." I had NO idea what he meant by that, but I stood back and watched as so many students from our youth group walked up to that alter to publicly declare they have been called to ministry. One of them was my fifteen year old brother. In that moment I have NEVER felt so close to God and I have NEVER felt his presence as much as I did then. It reminded me that he called me to do what I do, because he wants to use me as a vessel. A vessel to these kids who do not have them at home, school, or any other place. However, when I saw my brother go up there, it reminded me of something else, it reminded me that I am not only leading students at church, but at home as well. If I was not leading by example at home, it could have affected my brother in so many ways. I AM doing my job and I AM doing what God called upon my life.
So, I think what I am trying to say is to find your calling and pursue it with all of your heart. Pursue not only your calling, but pursue Our Savior with every last breath you have in you. Isaiah 62:5 says, "As a young man marries a young woman, so will your builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you." So, BE THE BRIDE! Be someone God looks at and says, "wow they are doing works to enhance the Kingdom." He wants us to build up his kingdom and to do that, he puts in place a call for each and every one of us and we are supposed to go out and fulfill that. My call is to ministry. Someone else may be called to be a politician, doctor, or lawyer. God wants us to do all of those things with love and grace.
I promise you that my call does not represent my past, because it is messy. God tells us to stop looking back! Philippians 3:13 says, "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead." Stop being so concerned with what you've done and start being concerned with what you're going to do. Truthfully, it did take me a while to accept what I have done and move past my mistakes and failures. However, when I do, it reminds me of what Jesus did for us. He KNEW we would sin and fall short, but he still gave his life for us. We are undeserving, we did NOT earn it, but Jesus still loves us anyways. So stop laying around and being afraid of what He has instore for you, get up and start moving toward your calling, embody Him, be grace, be mercy, and be love, because it is what He did for us.
Monday, June 11, 2018
The Struggle in Telling a Story
I never thought in a million years I would tell my story on here. I am still not telling mine, but I am telling my older brother's. For those of you who did not know, today marks 9 years since an accident that took my brother's life, a part of my heart, and 1/5 of our family away. Tomorrow will be 9 years since he joined the Lord. I never thought I could talk about it on here, or anywhere for that matter. People ask me what happened to him all the time and I find myself at a loss of words and I just say something that made sense at the time and tried to shove the conversation in a different direction. My brother and I had a relationship that was hard to explain. We loved each other, but we were never close. We never shared the connection he had to my mom, my dad, or my younger brother. We fought more than most and most of our fights ended in groundings, bruises, cuts.
He had ADHD, a disorder that is often overlooked, but becomes noticeable typically at a young age. His was severe and doctors said he was "off the charts". When the accident happened it was the week of VBS at our church and he was volunteering and it was my last year being a student. The only reason I was going was because he would be there to make me go even though I had no desire to be there. This is an important part to the story.
Tomorrow is 9 years since I lost him. This week is VBS at my church. I am a volunteer. I do not think people realize that when he passed away he left this footprint on my heart that only he understood. The footprint of regret, shame, hurt, depression. This footprint only makes itself known once a year, June 12th, and it stays for the day.
I try to remember small details about his passing, but that part of my mind shut down a while ago and it blocks out any memory of the first few weeks without him here. One day he was here and the next he was gone. It was just like the blink of an eye and the pain hurt so bad. I didn't sleep in my room for what felt like months on end. I put an air mattress in my parents bed room and slept in there and hoped I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares from that day. People kept telling me after the funeral, "I can't even imagine what you're going through" or "I am so sorry for your loss." And let me tell you the anger stage in the 5 stages of grief is so real. For the longest time I was so angry at God for taking my brother away from me. I was so angry that I felt abandoned and alone and hurt all in one emotion. I missed my brother so much I felt sick to my stomach, so how could God do this to me?
Well my friends, he did this because he knew what was best. He knew my brother's time on earth was up and Heaven was his next stop. He did this because HIS ways are higher than ours and despite how "unfair" this all was to me, his purpose for my brother's life was fulfilled. I remember about two weeks after his passing I had a dream about him. I saw him in my kitchen and he was just a dark figure, he hugged me, and even though he was dark for some reason I knew he was smiling at me.
It gives me peace to know he is now in heaven. It gives me peace to know that I will be with him again someday. It gives me peace to know that I now have a stronger relationship with my younger brother now than I ever did when my older brother was still here. He showed me how to embody Christ, and how to live out every day like he is still looking down on me. The first song he ever learned on guitar was Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles. I have it tattooed on me and it is a reminder that the dark days are no match for the glory God is revealing to me every day on this earth.
No, my life hasn't been "rainbows and unicorns" as they say. I have lived out my hardest years the past 9, but God has shown me abundant grace, mercy, love, and hope. The most important thing he has given me from all of this is peace. A verse that was read to me through so many different counseling sessions, church sermons, etc. was Romans 8:18. This verse is hung on my wall and is a small reminder that no matter what storm is going on, that the joy that is eternal life will always satisfy me.
So here is to nine full years without a big brother. Nine years without part of my heart. I am not saying tomorrow will be easy, but I know he is walking me through every second of it.
You are forever in my heart, Bradley Joseph Adams.
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." -Romans 8:18
He had ADHD, a disorder that is often overlooked, but becomes noticeable typically at a young age. His was severe and doctors said he was "off the charts". When the accident happened it was the week of VBS at our church and he was volunteering and it was my last year being a student. The only reason I was going was because he would be there to make me go even though I had no desire to be there. This is an important part to the story.
Tomorrow is 9 years since I lost him. This week is VBS at my church. I am a volunteer. I do not think people realize that when he passed away he left this footprint on my heart that only he understood. The footprint of regret, shame, hurt, depression. This footprint only makes itself known once a year, June 12th, and it stays for the day.
I try to remember small details about his passing, but that part of my mind shut down a while ago and it blocks out any memory of the first few weeks without him here. One day he was here and the next he was gone. It was just like the blink of an eye and the pain hurt so bad. I didn't sleep in my room for what felt like months on end. I put an air mattress in my parents bed room and slept in there and hoped I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares from that day. People kept telling me after the funeral, "I can't even imagine what you're going through" or "I am so sorry for your loss." And let me tell you the anger stage in the 5 stages of grief is so real. For the longest time I was so angry at God for taking my brother away from me. I was so angry that I felt abandoned and alone and hurt all in one emotion. I missed my brother so much I felt sick to my stomach, so how could God do this to me?
Well my friends, he did this because he knew what was best. He knew my brother's time on earth was up and Heaven was his next stop. He did this because HIS ways are higher than ours and despite how "unfair" this all was to me, his purpose for my brother's life was fulfilled. I remember about two weeks after his passing I had a dream about him. I saw him in my kitchen and he was just a dark figure, he hugged me, and even though he was dark for some reason I knew he was smiling at me.
It gives me peace to know he is now in heaven. It gives me peace to know that I will be with him again someday. It gives me peace to know that I now have a stronger relationship with my younger brother now than I ever did when my older brother was still here. He showed me how to embody Christ, and how to live out every day like he is still looking down on me. The first song he ever learned on guitar was Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles. I have it tattooed on me and it is a reminder that the dark days are no match for the glory God is revealing to me every day on this earth.
No, my life hasn't been "rainbows and unicorns" as they say. I have lived out my hardest years the past 9, but God has shown me abundant grace, mercy, love, and hope. The most important thing he has given me from all of this is peace. A verse that was read to me through so many different counseling sessions, church sermons, etc. was Romans 8:18. This verse is hung on my wall and is a small reminder that no matter what storm is going on, that the joy that is eternal life will always satisfy me.
So here is to nine full years without a big brother. Nine years without part of my heart. I am not saying tomorrow will be easy, but I know he is walking me through every second of it.
You are forever in my heart, Bradley Joseph Adams.
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." -Romans 8:18
Sunday, March 18, 2018
The Struggle in the Unknown
I have not written in quite some time, but a lot has happened in that time. I have been hurt mentally and physically. I left the comfort of a school I thought I belonged at to go back to a home that I missed more than anything. There were several reasons into me retuning to Georgia and the biggest one was my strain on my relationship with The Lord. I dove back into church, got close with old friends, and have been working just about every single day. About a month ago I got into a skiing accident that I thought broke my leg and ruined my knee and I am telling you guys that God acted in the most miraculous way in the hospital that night, as per usual and I walked away in just a full leg brace and crutches for a few weeks.
Let me tell you though, these past few months I have not been the best version of myself. I was hurt from a car accident in November and a ski accident. I also was hurting from personal things that really effected me back in January. Because of these things I became bitter. I was angry at God and angry at myself. I grew quiet for sometime and shut people out, because I was physically and emotionally hurting. My friends would ask me to go ice skating, bowling, go to the gym. I could not do any of these things, because of my back and my leg and I was frustrated. I saw how great everything was going for everyone, except me. However, just about a week ago I realized something. I realized that at the beginning of this year, I was praying for a word that I wanted God to give me to work on this year. The word that was beating over my head was the word change. I honestly did not know what this was supposed to mean and I really still am not one hundred percent sure. I have seen myself wanting some kind of change in my life and I did not know what it is. I am terrified of the unknown and I have been since I was a little girl. I lost my brother and ever since then I felt like every day was a huge mystery to me. What in the world is my purpose? What in the world does God want me to do?
Our future is unwritten. All I know is God wants me serving him. My whole life I have been asking myself, "what is next?" But why should I do that when I know that the most perfect God has handwritten my future for me. He knows me from my first breath to my last. He knows me from my first love to my last. He knows me from every scar on my body and every hair on my head. So, why am I so afraid of what is to come? He chases after me so hard and he will do anything and everything to ensure in my mind that whatever may come my way he will protect me.
So what have I done to protect my bitter heart? The Lord, church, my friends, my family. No matter what God may throw my way, my heart is protected from the unknown and I am forever thankful for that blessing. I cannot wait to see what God wants for my future. I am done being afraid.
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