Spiritual Battlefield

   So, I am just going to get straight to the point here; I'm broken. These past few weeks have been some of the hardest weeks I've encountered in my life thus far, and I hate admitting it. I tried to suppress the feelings and negative thoughts, but they just kept coming back around. HOWEVER- this post is actually going to be meant to be uplifting. During this spiritual battle, I was afraid, alone, depressed, and my anxiety was through the roof. Of course, my parents were worried about me and I was worried about myself, because I had no idea what was going on in my walk with The Lord, or even with just my heart.
  Something that happened that helped partake in my complete 180 I eventually lead back up to was my family. Let me just tell you- I would not be the women of God that I am today without my parents. They are a constant reminder of love and compassion even in the darkest of times for me. My mom would call me and pray for me over the phone nearly every night and my dad did a good job of keeping me distracted with things that would keep my head out of dark places. They have been my complete support system since day one and I couldn't be anymore grateful for them than I already am.
  Something I decided to do during this time was fast. My church back home was fasting at the time and I really felt like God called me to do this. So, as God calls, I listen. Every time I craved what I got rid of- I dug as far into the word and into prayer as my brain could handle. Some nights I would sit there and just cry as I read, because I knew in my heart that the whole time God was condemning my heart of the things Satan tried to put in there during those past few weeks. I ended up doing a devotion last week for SLC and I honestly didn't think there was anything better to speak about besides Trials. I was going through one of my own and digging into the word for that not only helped me speak to my friends, but speak my soul as well. During this time I ran into a few verses that stuck out to me. Mark 4:40 was one in particular. It says, "He said to his disciples, "why are you so afraid? Do you have no faith?" They were terrified and asked each other. "Who is this? Even the winds and waves obey him." It made me realize, even in my own storm, why am I so afraid? If I look behind me, I see that God controlled those storms, so why would he not be able to do the same thing now? Another verse was Matthew 7:7. It says, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." So, that's when I realized I needed to get on my knees and cry out to God. He will help me when I ask, so once again, why am I so afraid to ask? I remember being so angry that God was allowing this to happen to me, and it wasn't fair. When I began to pray and be at peace in prayer, I realized the real battle that was going on.
  One last tool I used in this spiritual battle was a book that was recommended to me by a family member. It's The Bondage Breaker by: Neil T. Anderson. It's about overcoming negative thoughts, irrational feelings and habitual sins. YALL- Satan is a real person and he is out to steal, kill, and destroy every last piece of you. However, God is here to break the bondage. I'm still reading the book, but what I've gathered so far is when you are as far down in a valley as you can be, you need to cry out to God and rebuke Satan in Jesus name! He wanted to see me as low as I was, he wanted me to not be okay, and feel alone and unworthy and unloved. He fed off of me doubting God and pushing him away. Something that really frustrated me was the fact I felt so weak, because I was allowing Satan to push me to the edge, but something this book has taught me is that he preys on the ones who have everything together, and have a strong relationship with the Lord, because they are his biggest threats. It didn't make me look "weak" to God, but it made me look strong.
  I am finally no longer afraid or feel alone or vulnerable. I feel strong in the Lord and I trust that His love is bigger than my valleys or darkness, because he is here to save the lost and heal the broken and fix the weary. He is a God of miracles and a God of mercy and grace, because he loves us more than we could ever imagine. Satan today is livid, because instead of coming out of this hurting and broken, I came out strong and more in love with Christ than ever. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND HE IS LOVE!!!